Why be an Obsolete Peckerwood?

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Columns - Clinical Supervision

Written by David J. Powell, PhD

Friday, 27 May 2011 15:30

We work in stressful environments; much is demanded of us emotionally and even physically. We talk to our patients about self-care but we don’t even know how to spell the words “self-care” for ourselves. We become good caregivers and unable to be care receivers. Over time, our world closes in on us, and we have less time for friendships, family and mostly, ourselves. Eventually, one day, we awaken and ask the Peggy Lee question, “Is that all there is?”

Over the past few years I realized how I have allowed friends to drift away through benign neglect, not due to problems in the relationship, just plain business. I realize my world of male friends was getting smaller and smaller. I felt the need to reopen that world, to see guys I’d not see in some time, to meet some new friends, to expand that circle.

So, I suggested to one or two of my long-term friends that we gather at a ranch in Arizona for a few days of hanging out – the group quickly grew from two to four, to eventually 10 men. We were a sort of older man’s version of City Slickers. After months of minimal planning, we met at the Tucson airport in April 2011 and drove two hours to a remote ranch north of the city, on the edge of the Aravaipa Canyon. We stayed at the Aravaipa Canyon Ranch (Google on that to see what the canyon is like).

He thought for a minute and, mixing up his images, thinking of the word “woodpeckers,” he said, “So, you all are a bunch of ‘obsolete peckerwoods.’” This has become a handle we now proudly have for ourselves, the obsolete peckerwoods.

Someone asked me, “What are we going to do this week?” to which I responded “I don’t know.” If you are like me, we don’t know what to do when we have nothing to do. No agenda, except perhaps a hike into the hills and canyons for those who wished to do so. We sat around, sang songs, told stories, laughed, rested, read and hiked (as much as a group of 50- and 60-year-old guys wanted to or were capable of). We ate far more goodies than we needed; we walked the labyrinth at the ranch; we waded in the canyon creek; we hiked to “the honeymoon cottage,” higher up in the hills once occupied by the Apache Indians and Geronimo. But mostly, we were together for the week.

Mid-week, a woman who was born without arms came to the ranch to visit with her aging parents. She told us stories of her miraculous life, learning to drive with her feet, tying her shoe laces with her toes, and even demonstrated karate kicks, breaking a plywood board. She was an inspiration to us all. Her dad, a curmudgeonly guy from the backwoods of some Southern state, asked us boldly, “So what are you guys doin’ here? Are you gay?” We told him we were here just to hang out together. It seemed like a strange concept to him but maybe somehow related it to fishing trips he’d been on with his buddies too. He thought for a minute and, mixing up his images, thinking of the word “woodpeckers,” he said, “So, you all are a bunch of ‘obsolete peckerwoods.’” This has become a handle we now proudly have for ourselves, the obsolete peckerwoods.

Amid the stresses of our lives and the demands of work, we all need to find a group of obsolete peckerwoods to hang out with. It need not be a ranch in distant Arizona, but it does should involve a week of rest and relaxation, although that ain’t a bad thing. It need not be to “do” anything. After all, don’t we “do” enough? We all need to find a group of friends, perhaps people you’ve lost touch with over time, and want to renew the friendship. Keep it simple and small (8-10 seems like a good number). They needn’t know each other. Trust the process of healthy people sharing healthy time together.

I sat around the circle one night with the other obsolete peckerwoods and we sang cowboy songs – Happy Trails and Tumbling Tumbleweed, with images of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans dancing in my head (if you are under 40 you probably can’t relate to that image). And I thought to myself, “This is perfect.” How often in our lives can we say, “This is perfect?” It is important for us to find times when we accept whatever befalls us and be able to see the perfection in what is. So, to be a better counselor, become an obsolete peckerwood.

David J. Powell, PhD, President, International Center for Health Concerns, Inc., is an internationally recognized lecturer, trainer and author. David has played a significant role in the development and operations of the Oya Bahadir Yuksel Rehabilitation Center.