I have been having difficulty staying asleep in recent weeks. Yet these wakeful hours have actually turned out to be an unexpected gift: bonus time with nothing more to do than to think of all I am grateful for.

Awakening in the middle of the night, my mind sometimes shifts into overdrive. Usually I reflect first on the blessings of my relationship with my partner of three years, and the wonderment of experiencing my daughter and son as young adults. My regained consciousness then moves on to the challenges of my job as a substance abuse counselor, or to the fortunes of my beloved Yankees.

One of these sleepless occasions, thoughts turned to individuals who have inspired me in the past. I recalled different persons and circumstances, realizing that these sources of inspiration had gone unrecognized for years.

A case in point is the piece of art I received as a gift from a childhood friend, Richie. For a reason I can’t recall, he gave me one of his school art projects that featured bright red, purple, blue and yellow bars, circles and semi-circles. Schlepping his art around for more than three decades, it resurfaced in 2000, while cleaning my apartment in preparation for a move. Suddenly, I saw this painting through the eyes of a substance abuse counselor.

I had left a corporate job to get a master’s degree in rehabilitation counseling at the age of 40. That night, I was suddenly practicing what I habitually discuss with my clients — namely, encouraging them to experience what they view, hear, sense and smell in terms of their recovery efforts. Facilitating three groups daily during an intensive outpatient program, I frequently sought materials for use as an inspirational springboard to help my adult clients gain insight into their disease of addiction.

Art as inspiration
It dawned on me: Richie’s piece of art is a metaphor for how using alcohol, drugs, or unhealthy behaviors allows people to sidestep uncomfortable feelings and traumatic life experiences. Thirty years after Richie casually handed me the poster, the semi-circles now represented skirting around one’s pain, or the anesthetizing effect of using substances. The bar coming through the circles and out the other side symbolized experiencing the pain. By walking through the issue and coming out the other side, a person has the opportunity to mature or gain insight by virtue of dealing with the feelings and moving on with life. I’ve told Richie how much his artwork has inspired my clients and me.

I’ve seen the light bulb of realization go on above the heads of many clients as they gaze at the painting and relate their own experiences of numbing out with substances and shirking responsibility, instead of living life. Richie’s artwork has become a priceless symbol, offering others the gift of recognition, reflection, and motivation to change. Indeed, it constantly reminds me that one is powerless to address an issue if the gift of recognition is absent. And it points to the next step: to have the insight and the courage to act.

Richie is an internationally accomplished artist. We have only recently reestablished contact with one another, and I thank him for touching the lives of others through his passion. The unnamed artwork was given a grade of “C,” still visible on the back. In my mind, that C stands for “courage.”

My thoughts drift from Richie to my children, who have without question, been my greatest teachers. Many years of parenting as a divorced dad has ignited a passion for self-improvement. Through my personal recovery efforts, I am determined to give them the opportunity to end the generational nature of dysfunction that has claimed scores of my relatives.

For 14 years, I have lived a life dedicated to service to others motivated by a deep and abiding faith in a loving being who calls me to help others with my God-given talents and abilities. For many years I have read out loud to my daughter, from literature assigned to her since middle school. A highlight was reading The Velveteen Rabbit to her fourth-grade class. The story is rich with symbolism, relating the process one goes through to become “real.” Love is the necessary ingredient that transforms the rabbit from a worn out, inert toy to an energetic and in-love-with- life REAL rabbit. Now I enjoy reading The Velveteen Rabbit to clients in my animated voice and obtaining their perspective on what it means to become real in recovery.

Two years ago I was reading with my daughter, The Watcher, by James Howe. The reading spelled out in excruciatingly realistic detail the alcohol withdrawal symptoms of a pivotal character. Bingo, another source of group material.

Learning from clients
As the night wore on, a host of unforgettable clients came to mind. I’ve become keenly appreciative of their capacity to teach me. In my midnight lull, I recalled a passionate discussion with one of my first individual therapy clients concerning the benefits of having a Higher Power, and relying on that being for reinstatement to sanity. I thought I was giving the client the benefit of all my personal and professional insight into Step 2 of the 12-Steps of recovery, which is “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” My client simply looked at me and said, “You know, Tom, you are really effective when you don’t try so hard.” This same client then presented me a verbal jewel, which has become a guiding principle in my life pursuit of service to others: “Any man who evades his destiny will be uneasy in his conscience.”

I now recognize that my growing humility also comes from above. Meditating in the morning after saying my prayers, I listen for that still, quiet voice within. I write down what presents itself – often a prayer, followed by specific words or phrases.

As I fill the pages of my journal, I subject my writing to the spiritual litmus test of the four absolutes: Honesty, Purity, Unselfishness, and Love. If it is all four, I figure it’s God’s will and is meant to be followed. If the direction fails even one of the tests, it is self-will and is to be ignored. Inspirational guidance has become part of my daily prayers: “Smile the spirit of God; God, I pray that I allow you to be more of a presence in my life and that you be allowed by others in my life to be more of a presence in theirs; God, if it is thy will, continue to grant me the strength and courage I need to deal with my issues, be a healthy individual with healthy boundaries with all those in my life and by extension may I be a healthy role model to my children; I ask the same blessings for their mother, whose health and well-being I pray for; Do the write thing!”

Finally, arising from bed at 2:40 a.m., I allow these thoughts of inspiration to drain through my fingertips onto this page. Alas, I recall another source of inspiration. During a particularly tough time in my early recovery, my sister encouraged me to, “Make the journey faithfully, not fearfully.” Her encouraging words are now affixed to my bathroom wall, where I read them every morning, reminding me that fear separates me from God and others, diminishing my ability to effectively serve those in my path.

Most of us curse the intrusive thoughts that disrupt our night’s sleep, and I was no exception. However, I now embrace God’s wake up calls and use the time to reflect on how blessed I am to have numerous and varied sources of inspiration. Thank you, God, for the people who inspire me and propel me forward on this sweet journey of life! And excuse me, Lord, for stifling a yawn.

Thomas Greaney, MEd, is a licensed alcohol and drug counselor who provides individual and group counseling, and offers training on creative approaches to the group therapy process at Coastal Counseling in Westerly, R.I. He can be reached at 401-596-4873, 860-912-2944, or at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

This article is published in Counselor,The Magazine for Addiction Professionals, August 2006, v.7, n.4, pp.58-59.

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