If you have young children, you’ve probably been warned to prepare an answer to a key question: Where do babies come from? But another question that’s just as important may hit even closer to home: Did you ever use alcohol or other drugs as a teenager?

Children who ask this question create a defining moment in their lives. In response, a parent might dodge the question or improvise an answer at the last minute. Another option is to prepare for this “teachable moment” with your child by thinking through your answers right now.

Of course, many parents can honestly say that they did not experiment with alcohol or other drugs as a teenager. Even so, they might worry about how to convince their children of the dangers of abuse and addiction. It may help to remember that you’re in a better position to respond to the question than parents of any previous generation. In fact, over the past decade we’ve learned a lot more about how drug use affects the brain. For example, we now know that the human brain continues developing past the age of adolescence and into a person’s early twenties. Using alcohol or other drugs can have a specific and negative impact on this development — something we just didn’t know earlier.

Another discovery is that early use of alcohol or other drugs can create long-term health risks. In a 1998 study by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, adults who said that they first drank alcohol before age 15 were five times more likely to report alcohol dependence or abuse than people who first used alcohol at age 21 or older. Overall, the risk for alcohol dependence decreases by 14 percent with each increasing year of age of drinking onset.

There’s no perfect response to the “did-you-ever-use” question. Yet the following suggestions can help you give a more effective answer when the time comes.

Be honest, but stick to essentials. If you don’t tell the truth about your past use of alcohol or other drugs, you risk losing credibility when your child discovers the truth. At the same time, you don’t have to share every detail. Find out why your child is asking about your drug use history and limit your response to exactly what’s being asked. Remind your child that all it takes is one bad decision while using to cause a lot of trouble, such as getting drunk at a party and ending up in a date rape or other violent situation, or getting into a car accident after driving.

Remember that your child does not have to repeat your past. Don’t be afraid to tell your teenager that it’s not okay for them to use drugs. That sounds obvious, but they need to hear it from you. And don’t be distracted by your own drug history; it can be used to invalidate your opinion either way, whether you ever used drugs or not.

Understand how much the drug scene has changed, and how the risks have changed. Today’s teenagers are exposed to a greater variety of drugs with greater risks than were available in their parents’ generation. Marijuana has a higher THC content; methamphetamine is a dangerously growing drug of choice; and prescription drugs for anxiety, depression and attention deficit disorders are abused. Ecstasy is often a mixture of many different kinds of drugs, so you never really know what the effect of using it may be. The drugs that are being used now are more potent and dangerous than earlier, and carry higher risks.
I recently told my 16-year-old that the ’64 VW Beetle I drove without seatbelts 30 years ago, would be unsafe on today’s roads, by today’s standards. Likewise, the risks of drug use are very different today, so why compare apples to oranges?

Take a cue from these examples. You might get an idea or two from these sample answers, excerpted from Growing Up Drug-Free: A Parent’s Guide to Prevention, published by the U.S. Department of Education:

• “Everyone makes mistakes, and when I used drugs, I made a big one. I’m telling you about this, even though it’s embarrassing, because I love you, and I want to save you from making the same stupid decision that I made when I was your age. You can learn from my mistakes without repeating them.”
• “At your age, between homework, friends, sports, and other interests, there are a lot of fun things going on. If you get into taking drugs, you’re pretty much giving up those other things, because you stop being able to concentrate, and you can’t control your moods or keep to a schedule. You’ll miss out on all these great experiences, and you’ll never get those times back.”
• “I did drugs because I was bored and wanted to take some risks, but I soon found that I couldn’t control the risks—they were controlling me. There are much better ways of challenging yourself than doing drugs.”

To view Growing Up Drug-Free: A Parent’s Guide to Prevention, go to http://www.pueblo.gsa.gov/cic_text/family/drgfree/drugfree.htm, or call 1-877-433-7827 to order a free copy. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America Web site at www.drugfree.org offers a wide range of prevention resources for parents. Hazelden Publishing and Educational Services provides prevention materials for parents and young people, including a new video and DVD titled Teen Alcohol and Other Drug Use: Knowing the Signs and What to Do About Them. Call 1-800-328-9000 or visit www.hazelden.org/bookstore for more information.

Dianne Seger, MS, ATR-BC, LPC, LADC is the manager for Safety, Quality, and Compliance at Hazelden Center for Youth and Families, a residential treatment center for 14- to 25-year olds in Plymouth, Minn. She has worked in addiction treatment for nearly two decades.

This article is published in Counselor,The Magazine for Addiction Professionals, June 2006, v.7, n.3, pp.32-33.

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