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| A Renewal of Hope and Healing |
| Columns - Opinion | ||||||||
| Tuesday, 31 January 2006 | ||||||||
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Though it may be difficult for those who grew up post-eighties to imagine, until 1980, those of us who are now known as adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) did not yet have a name. Today we know that this delayed reaction to living in a chaotic environment, this unrelenting “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” for life to rupture or betray us all over again, is a syndrome called post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). When a person is unable to get away from a highly stressful situation — that is, if their survival urge to flee towards safety is thwarted — they are much more likely to develop PTSD. Those of us who grew up with addiction fit this description perfectly. How could we flee from our own homes? Where would we go? And to complicate matters even further, the very people we wanted to flee from, were our parents who we needed and loved. So we stood there, frozen in fear; revved up for fight or flight but unable to move. When ACOAs get triggered as adults, we re-inhabit the body we lived in at those childhood moments. We stand there, stress chemicals coursing through our bodies, looking like grown ups, but feeling like helpless, frightened children (Van der Kolk). Naming and defining the ACOA syndrome gave us a way to finally understand ourselves — a way to grow up on the inside. Many of us became deeply empowered by the ACOA/codependency movement, and many of us have made it our life’s work to develop theory and research that flesh out exactly what it is that happens to the body, mind and heart of children who grow up with addiction and the dysfunction and mental illness that are its constant bedfellows. The work that we have done over the past 25 years has moved from instinct and intuition, to some of the most exiting research to emerge in the mental health field. Studies on trauma and, more recently, neurobiology, have more or less proved what we were beginning to theorize was true 25 years ago — that the shocking, humiliating and debilitating experiences that buzz and swarm around living with addiction literally shape our neural networks; and that the personality complications caused by this early pain and stress can and often do emerge years and years after the fact. This is what the ACOA movement was all about; a post-traumatic reaction. Those of us who work in the field see daily, that this problem has only gotten bigger. And because it has only gotten bigger many of us feel that it is time to reintroduce these concepts into the general public. We have come a very long way in our understanding of this disease and our ability to treat it. Studies on resilience by Wolin and Wolin have even taught us to value many of the adaptive qualities that ACOAs develop along the way such as inventiveness, creativity and humor. With a deeper understanding of ACOA issues, trauma and neurobiology, we are much better able to help people recover from it than we were when this movement began. As professionals we have had to work hard, fast and deep to gain intellectual ground on a syndrome that subsumed our own lives while we were working to help our clients at the same time. What I’ve always loved most about the addictions field is our willingness to experiment. Because the issues we face are so overwhelming, immediate and life threatening we have had to create and adapt at a faster rate than most fields. And because we are a community of 12-step people, we are humble at heart, willing to try and be wrong or to adopt strategies that are out of the box. But the box is expanding daily. The forms of therapy that we have been using over the past two and a half decades have gradually become evidence based. We used them because they worked. Today, research is telling us why they worked. In 2005 something wonderful happened — the Ninth Renewal Convention on Adult Children, Recovery and Trauma presented by U. S. Journal Training, Inc., in association with National Association for Children of Alcoholics. Many of us who have been working in the field came together to share the experiences and knowledge we had gained over the past two and a half decades. The result was an electrifying atmosphere in which old friends met and celebrated how far we have come, and gained inspiration and further knowledge of where we need to go. It is time for a new generation to understand what many of us have come to know — that recovery works; that life is to be lived not avoided; and that the fallout from living with addiction is eminently treatable. We will be coming together once more in Las Vegas on March 29 — April 1, 2006, at the Tenth Renewal Convention on Adult Children, Recovery and Trauma. The four-day event is a rare opportunity to connect with the pioneers of the ACOA movement and to learn about some of the newest and most effective treatment strategies for issues affecting adult children. Who are ACOAS? On the outside, ACOAs often have things well under control. On the inside, however, they may experience a low hum of negative feelings about the self such as insecurity, inadequacy, phoniness, unlovableness, anxiety, or confusion. In times of chaos and crisis, ACOAs can be very composed and function well, but they may have trouble when things go normally, slowly, don’t come under their control, don’t go their way, or don’t go as they expect. This reflects both their lifelong pattern of mastering living with dysfunction as well as their lack of experience with “normal”. Statistics about Adult Children of Alcoholics • 50 percent of ACOAs marry alcoholics. • 70 percent of ACOAs develop patterns of compulsive behavior as adults. These may include abusive patterns with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, gambling or spending. • ACOAs are four times more likely to become alcoholics than the general population. Statistics about Families Coping with Alcoholism • 55 percent of all family violence occurs in alcoholic homes. • Incest is twice as likely among daughters and sons of alcoholics. • Alcohol is a factor in 90 percent of all child-abuse cases. Tian Dayton PhD TEPAuthor of The Living Stage: A Step by Step guide to Psychodrama, Sociometry and Experiential Group Therapy and recovery best seller Forgiving and Moving On, Trauma and Addiction; and 12 other titles. She is currently the director of The New York Psychodrama Training Institute at Caron. For more info log onto tiandayton.com.
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