As unique as each of us thinks we are, humans have many things in common - among them, we remember pleasure and we forget pain. This rudimentary concept was pivotal in shaping my own recovery . . . and it's something I use today in my counseling practice.

We're programmed to remember pleasure

No doubt, the survival of our species (humans, not just addicts) is enhanced by our remembering that eating food feels good, having sex is enjoyable, coming in out of the cold has immediate rewards, etc. In other words, we have no trouble remembering pleasurable events. We are hard-wired to do so.

We're programmed to forget pain

Similarly, human survival is fortified by our propensity to forget pain. Perhaps you have had a toothache. Intellectually, you can remember that it was there - but it is far more difficult to feel the pain, to remember exactly how agonizing and intolerable it was. If we were to remember all the physical and emotional pain of our lives, we would crumble under the enormity of those burdens.

What a fabulous system! It works beautifully for billions of people. Our human nature - to remember pleasure and to forget pain - is a miracle of human evolution. It works great.

But it works against the addict. The addict needs to remember the pain, but his human nature makes it a difficult task.

It's OK to remember the pleasure

One of the most liberating moments of my journey in recovery was recognition that, from time to time, I am going to think about drinking/drugging. The thoughts will come. Triggers will continue to present themselves.

I said to my sponsor, "What am I doing wrong? I'm still having thoughts of using!" He wisely gave me permission to have the thoughts. He reminded me that I am an addict and that having those thoughts is normal.

He then got me to focus on using the tools of recovery and doing the next right thing, which could mean going to a meeting, talking about my cravings, letting the thought pass, meditating, exercising, eating, sleeping, etc. Anything but picking up a drink.

How do I remember the pain?

OK, I'm going to remember the pleasure. I have proven that. But how do I remember the pain? My human nature makes it difficult. But as an addict, I MUST remember the pain if I'm to stay sober. I must overcome my very human nature.

The most obvious action I must take is to go to recovery meetings. It is there that I will see the pain in the eyes of the newcomer. I will hear the pain in the stories of others. I will be reminded of my own pain - the pain I keep sweeping under the carpet of denial. At meetings, I am less likely to think that I wasn't so bad, or that I can now drink in safety.

Another way to "think through the drink"

A tool that I devised for myself, and now share with clients, is a phrase that I keep repeating when I catch myself remembering the pleasure of using. I'll say: Then what? 

The following is an example of such self-talk:

Thought: ‑Gee, a couple of whiskeys would take away this stress.

Response: ‑They sure would. But then what?

Thought: ‑I would have a few drinks - and feel great.

Response: Then what?

Thought: ‑I would probably buy more booze and call my old drug dealer.

Response: Then what?

Thought: ‑It would be great, for a while. Get wired, get drunk.

Response: Then what?

Thought:‑ I would eventually run out of booze and cocaine.

Response: Then what?

We all know where this dialogue is going. Eventually, I'll get myself to the consequences of my using alcohol/
drugs. I will re-experience the pain that I need to remember in order to abstain from taking that first drink.

I've even created a "Then What?" poster that some clients keep on their bedroom walls. It's a reminder that the days of drinking in safety are, unfortunately, over. It's just another way to think through the drink.

Summary

Human nature is a fabulous thing . . . but not for the addict. To this day, my human nature encourages me to remember the pleasure of the drinking days. And make no mistake - there were some very good times.

So, when having a couple of drinks begins to sound like a good idea (and that idea can still occur from out of the blue), I combat my basic human nature by keeping the past pain fresh in my mind. I give myself permission to have a craving - but I think it through by asking myself, "Then what?"

I focus on my blessings, go to lots of meetings, work with newcomers, talk often with other recovering people and continue working the 12-steps of recovery. With this regimen of cognitive restructuring and behavioral modification, I am able to overcome my very persuasive human nature.

This article is published in Counselor,The Magazine for Addiction Professionals, October 2006, v.7, n.5, pp.44-45.

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