Some self-disclosures contribute to positive therapeutic outcomes, others result in disaster. Most professionals would agree that there are many reasons to limit what you share about yourself with clients. For one, carefully planned self-disclosures won’t have the therapeutic impact that you are hoping for if you’ve already made the mistake of sharing too much. Sharing too much about yourself can backfire in multiple ways. Sometimes it could lead clients to decide that you are too different from them to understand or identify with the problems they are facing. Or, they may feel inferior to you. Over-disclosure also could lead clients to decide that you are too much like them, which subsequently could raise doubts in their minds about your ability to help them change.

Should you tell your clients that you’re in recovery? Should you answer honestly to a client of the opposite sex who asks: “Do you find me attractive?” Should you share that you got a C- in Group Therapy Skills at Radcliffe?
This article presents several simple principles that can be applied to your current caseload. These principles will help you differentiate those circumstances when self-disclosure is likely to benefit your client from those times when resisting the temptation to disclose is in your clients’ best interest. Consider the following circumstances and the choices you might make. The recommended choice is followed by the general rule or guideline used to apply to each situation.

Question 1.
Your client asks you how you have handled a problem in your life similar
to one your client is facing. Should you:
a) decline to answer
b) answer truthfully

In this case I’d suggest a) decline to answer. Talking about yourself and how you handled a problem shifts the focus of the session from the client onto the counselor. It does not contribute to the self-efficacy of the client. Furthermore, the client might feel pressured to handle the situation as you did, even though your way might not be best for this client. Instead, help clients generate their own possible solutions, or provide a menu of successful strategies as a way to get clients thinking.

Rule One: When there is no benefit to the client, or when the same benefit can be gained without self-disclosure, avoid self-disclosures that shift the focus of attention from the client to you.

Question 2.
You’re upset because you had a serious fight with your spouse just before your session. You are concerned it will affect your ability to be helpful during the counseling session. Should you:
a) keep this information to yourself
b) disclose this fact to your client

Once again, self-disclosure may shift the focus from the client to you. Professionals are expected to reschedule their appointments when this is in the best interests of their clients. Sharing about the fight with your husband reverses your roles in a way that is not helpful to the client, and may even lead to having your needs met instead of the client’s. So I would suggest a) keeping this information to yourself.

Rule Two: Do not disclose when it involves an unhelpful shift in roles.

Question 3.
You decided not to share with the client in Question 2, and the session went terribly.
You are afraid the client may not return for any future sessions. Should you:
a) explain and apologize to your client
b) leave it up to the client’s best judgment on continuing in treatment

In this case, I would suggest a) explain and apologize to your client. No need to go into details of why you weren’t yourself, but once you’ve acted in a way that has harmed the therapeutic relationship, self-disclosure is an appropriate way to repair the damage. If you apologize for
not rescheduling the appointment, you model acceptance of responsibility for your choices.

Rule Three: Self-disclose to repair damage to the therapeutic relationship.

Question 4.
A nine-year-old boy you are counseling asks you if your mother ever spanked you.
Should you:
a) decline to answer or change the subject
b) answer truthfully and directly

I’d suggest b) answer truthfully and directly. Children and other clients without a fully developed ability to think abstractly often benefit from direct answers to questions related to self-disclosure. Evasive or overly complicated responses may increase client anxiety and harm the therapeutic relationship.

Rule Four: With children or other clients with diminished capacity for abstract thought, respond honestly and directly to questions, unless there is a compelling reason not to.

Question 5.
Your client asks where you went to school, what degrees you have, and what school of therapy you subscribe to.
Should you:
a) respond truthfully and directly
b) assure the client that you’re qualified to help, without providing details

The correct response is a) respond truthfully and directly. Your clients have a right to know your qualifications and theoretical orientation. Appropriate self-disclosure can help clients become more comfortable that you are qualified and able to understand their problems.

Rule Five: Self-disclose in response to legitimate questions about your licensure, certification, education, or experience.
Question 6. Your client is a gay male in recovery, who believes that only a gay male in recovery can be helpful to him. You prefer not to share personal details with this client at this time. Should you:
a) share anyway
b) decline to share

I’d suggest b) decline to share. Instead of explaining your sexual orientation and substance use history, try to address the client’s anxiety about coming to treatment.

Rule Six: When you prefer not to answer clients’ personal questions directly, address the client concern behind the questions instead.

Question 7.
A client shares the perception that he or she is hopelessly unattractive. You find the client quite pleasant to look at, and wonder if sharing this might boost your client’s self-esteem. Should you:
a) share your perception
b) avoid the temptation to share

I’d suggest b) avoid the temptation to share. There is not much to be gained by sharing your perception that is worth the risk of this self-disclosure. The risk is too high that your compliment may be misunderstood, and the counselor’s office is not the place to go when you want to be told you’re a hottie. The best-case scenario is that you share your thoughts, and the client discounts them. In worse-case scenarios, the client may not feel heard, or the client will feel distracted by the possibility of a relationship with you. The most egregious of boundary violations often begin with this type of self-disclosure.

Rule Seven: In the absence of a compelling reason to do otherwise, avoid commenting on the physical attractiveness of your clients. If a physical attraction becomes a distraction for counselor or client, a referral is in order.

In summary, you should only choose to self-disclose when the disclosure is thoughtfully designed to accomplish a specific therapeutic goal. If you strictly limit the amount you disclose, then it is possible to use self-disclosure to normalize client behavior, build rapport, encourage client disclosure, or support other therapeutic goals. This is only possible when you avoid self-disclosures that may damage client self-esteem, blur boundaries, shift focus in an unhelpful way, or meet your needs instead of the client’s.

Rick Roes, PhD, CASAC, CJC, RAS ( This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it ) has written hundreds of articles and several books, most recently Solutions for the “Treatment-Resistant” Addicted Client (Haworth Press, 2002). He is Executive Director of New Hope Manor, a regular presenter at international conferences, and leads staff trainings for professionals nationwide.

Sources consulted
Diamond, J. (2000). Narrative means to sober ends. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
“Dinah.” (2004). Internet posting retrieved April 12, 2004 from the World Wide Web at http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/316425.html
Ecker, B., & Hulley, L. (1996). Depth-oriented brief therapy. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Friedman, S., Ed. (1993). The new language of change. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Judith Harrington (2001, October 27). Self-disclosure: Temptations and alternatives. Presented at SACES Conference, Athens, GA.
Hopps, J. G., & Pinderhughes, E. (1999). Group work with overwhelmed clients. New York, NY: The Free Press.
Janis, I. L. (1983). Short-term counseling. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.
Kanfer, F. H., & Goldstein, A.P. Eds. (1991). Helping people change. New York, NY: Pergamon Press.

This article is published in Counselor,The Magazine for Addiction Professionals, December 2004, v.5, n.6, pp.26-28

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