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Book Review of I Love You But You Always Put Me Last


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In his new book, Andrew Marshall lists two reasons why it took him this long to write a book about parenting. Firstly, Marshall writes that “most parents don’t want to hear” a message that says their children are ruining their relationship. Secondly, Marshall himself has never been a parent. 
 
So, what qualifies him to write I Love You But You Always Put Me Last, a book about parenting and keeping children from ruining marriages? The answer to that question is his extensive—almost thirty years’ worth—experience in helping people resolve arguments, build better relationships, and “fall back in love again.” Marshall’s revolutionary tips and inspired tidbits of advice in You Always Put Me Last can help anyone put the “love” back into their relationship and still be assured that their children are being raised thoughtfully. 
 
This new book tackles a totally new aspect to marriage and love than Marshall’s previous book I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You. You Always Put Me Last concentrates on the problems that can arise from putting the roles of mommy and daddy before the roles of husband and wife. It is infused with case studies that prove Marshall’s advice truly works and makes a difference in the lives of those he treats. Readers will discover their own problems in the stories of Nigel and Kim, whose in-laws reprimanded their children in front of them; Isabel, who was almost unable to have a one-hour date with her husband because the baby wasn’t with her; and Anthony, who had a hard time separating his own childhood experiences from those of his son. 
 
A couple of the many benefits to using You Always Put Me Last with a partner are the informative, eye-opening questionnaires and exercises that Marshall provides for his readers. One of the first exercises is about priorities—this is meant to help couples identify where they might not necessarily match up and, in addition, put things into perspective for couples who might assume the order of their partner’s priorities. The first questionnaire in the book asks this question: How strong is your marriage right now? With twelve probing questions, a tallying system that truly takes relationship strength into account, and end results that allow readers to examine how their relationship could be improved, Marshall’s knowledge and expertise is clear very early in the book. 
 
You Always Put Me Last confronts important issues such as the right time to have children, the importance of good communication, the six stages of love, aggressive vs. passive partners, and parenting styles. Each chapter culminates in a summary that is short and concise—a perfect addition for the parent who is on the go, has a fussy baby on his or her lap, or is waiting to pick up the kids from school. Regardless of the condition, You Always Put Me Last is an accessible and informational read that can better the children and bring love back for the parents. 
 
Aside from teaching husbands and wives to create better relationships, You Always Put Me Last functions as a guidebook for moms and dads on how to become a better parent. Marshall discusses the emotional needs of children and how children feed off the emotions of their parents. The chapters on parental advice offer wisdom about how to regulate the emotions and foster the independence of children all the way from infancy to the teenage years.  
 
Perhaps one of the most important things that Marshall touches upon in his newest book is that any partner can feel as though they are put last. It’s not always the stay-at-home mom, or always the hard-working dad. It could be both! Equal responsibility is put on both members of the relationship to facilitate change and improve their lives and the lives of their children. Andrew Marshall’s I Love You But You Always Put Me Last is truly a comprehensive handbook for current and prospective parents—this is the only relationship and parenting book couples will ever need!

 

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