You’re Tearing Us Apart: Twenty Ways We Wreck Our Relationships and Simple Ways to Repair Them
We’ve all heard the adage “it takes two” when it comes to relationship problems, but educator Pat Love, EdD, author Eva Berlander, and relationship coach Kathleen McFadden disagree—they state that “one person can do the deed alone.” In You’re Tearing Us Apart, Love, Berlander, and McFadden come together to provide couples with advice stemming from over fifty years of combined experience in helping cultivate strong relationships. At the core of their advice are three steps: recognize the part of your behavior that undermines intimacy, replace harmful behaviors with healthy acts of love, and repeat steps one and two!
You’re Tearing Us Apart is a concise, strategic manual for dealing with specific problems that can arise in relationships. Readers can flip through to a specific section for advice or read the guidebook from beginning to end. Among other things, Love, Berlander, and McFadden write about the following issues:
- Criticism (“No matter what I do, nothing ever seems good enough”)
- Mood swings (“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells”)
- Pornography (“I want a healthy sex life and ours doesn’t feel that way to me”)
- Spending (“It’s exhausting to worry about how money is going to be gone”)
- Work (“I can’t believe you are working late again tonight!”)
- Overinvolved parenting (“I wish you had as much time and energy for being my partner as you do for being a parent”)
- Controlling (“You act like your opinion is always the right one and mine doesn’t matter”)
Each of the twenty relationship problems the authors focus on has an accompanying narrative—parts of which are mentioned in the above bullet points—and gender- and sexual-orientation neutral images drawn by Anders Berlander. The narrative is one of the four sections that each chapter contains, along with “the purpose,” “the disconnect,” and “transformation.” Towards the end of the book, the authors focus on explaining emotional regulation, compassion, and integration, some of the concepts that can help readers repair their broken relationships.
Love, Berlander, and McFadden come from different professional and personal backgrounds, and their combination of advice and experience is sure to help readers move towards more fulfilling, lasting, and happy relationships.
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