Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating by Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S
“As someone who has paid very close attention to men’s experiences with relationships, I know how challenging it is for men to develop the skills necessary to create and maintain healthy intimate connections. Moreover, I watch men screw things up time and time again in the same basic ways, only to come around for more. What I love about this book is that Rob keeps coming back, in numerous ways, to this single essential idea: You cheated, you lied, and you deeply hurt the woman you love, so what are you going to do to save your relationship?” – Dan Griffin, MA, author of A Man’s Way Through Relationships
Robert Weiss does not mince words in the introduction to his new book, Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating:
Before you charge ahead into the meat and potatoes of this book, I want to tell you what you’re getting into. Basically, this is a book written for heterosexual men who have cheated on a woman they love, have gotten caught, and don’t want to lose their relationship with her—no more and no less. Certainly this content might be useful for other populations: women, gay men, lesbians, and anyone else who has harmed a loved one by cheating. But none of these other folks are the focus of this work. I’m writing this book for straight guys who have strayed and want to make things right. Period.
His book addresses a range of topics to help men not only define and understand cheating and relationship infidelity, but also to learn about whether they should stay in or leave a relationship, how both sexes understand betrayal, and what to expect from a betrayed partner.
Weiss’s experience as a clinician, expert on sexuality and sex addiction, and author is evident throughout Out of the Doghouse, as his expertise is coupled with client stories, examples, and realistic advice. In one chapter he illustrates seven ways men can worsen their already bad situations:
- Continue the infidelity after telling your mate that you’ve stopped
- Continue to lie, tell partial truths, and keep secrets
- Put the blame on someone or something other than yourself
- Apologize and expect or demand immediate forgiveness
- Try to buy forgiveness
- Use aggression and threats
- Try to calm your spouse down
He also describes seven ways that cheating men can make things better:
- Develop empathy for your spouse
- Learn to disagree in healthy and productive ways
- Instead of telling her you care, show her you care
- Keep relationship trust in mind at all times
- Anticipate potential hazards and deal with them before they happen
- Don’t forget about yourself
- Express gratitude to your spouse
Despite the subject of the book and his promise to “pull no punches,” Weiss clearly states that his book is not meant to shame, judge, provoke, justify sexual history or determine who is “wrong” or “right.” Out of the Doghouse is “about living with truth and integrity as your guide, about cleaning up the mess on your side of the street without blaming your spouse for that mess or her reactions to it,” as Weiss writes. For men who wish to repair the damage of sexual infidelity, develop healthy relationships behaviors, and potentially reconnect with partners emotionally and physically, Out of the Doghouse is the essential guidebook.
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